Coming out is incredibly hard. To anyone that argues differently, I would have to ask ‘Have you just forgotten?’ Initially it can be frightening to say ‘I am gay’ with the uncertainty of others' reactions. Will I be rejected, bullied, persecuted, an embarrassment to my family?
I came out partly through necessity. My parents were coming to stay in the one bedroom flat I shared with my partner and we did not feel we could satisfactorily explain the sleeping arrangements. Of course they knew, they had met my ‘special friend’ repeatedly and were just waiting for me to come clean.
My sexuality was fully accepted by family, friends and - other than the odd bigoted remark from Misogynistic Malcolm - work. In fact, the rare occasions I have been bullied or attacked has been by other lesbians. When first out and on the scene, I was living in what I like to describe as the ‘British Equivalent to Venice’ aka Birmingham! I was attacked in a gay pub toilet by a sour faced woman and two gigantic heavies... and no, I was not doing anything dodgy, so why was I attacked?
Did I throw my drink on her, steal her girlfriend then insult her checked shirt and dungarees combo? No, far worse than that, I was wearing a skirt in a gay bar. I escaped with a few bruises after hitching up my A-line and discarding my heels. With arms flaying, lighter flicking and high pitched shouting of intelligent words I managed to disorientate her Sasquatch bodyguards and make a run for it. These women travelled in a pack and preyed on people they considered different.
Shortly after, Birmingham introduced a door policy only allowing two pack members in a bar at any one time; any more and they were likely to start attacking people. The rest had to wait chained up outside drinking lager out of bowls. They are a minority group but ‘Pack’ awareness should be raised with warning signs on toilet doors.
So why do the packs form? Are they bullies or are they just scared of anyone who does not fit the stereotypes and guidelines they live by. I wanted to do some research on the bullying mentality and found an interesting website http://www.bullyonline.org/ If you want to read the psychological profiles or how to deal with adult bullies you should take a look (page link below).
‘The serial bully is an adult on the outside but a child on the inside; he or she is like a child who has never grown up. One suspects that the bully is emotionally retarded and has a level of emotional development equivalent to a five-year-old, or less’.
I had a friend who was a serial bully. She was devious and manipulative and would intentionally seek the emotionally needy to work her magic on. She had a split personality that fooled even the most intelligent. Her technique was to make you a nice home-cooked meal one night then sleep with your date the next. When being the brunt of her jokes affected my life and self esteem I walked away. Yes, she did what all child bullies do, she spread rumours and turned friends against me. She still has her pack, they sit in bars looking intimidating and bitching about those they are jealous of.
Did being attacked in a toilet and have a friend and her gang spread malicious rumours affect me? Of course it did. For a start I have never worn a skirt on the scene since! When invited out by my ex-friend to meet the old crowd next weekend for a catch up, I declined. I knew instantly I would rather eat my hands than spend an evening with incredibly insecure, unemotional and spiteful women.
The lesbian community is small, there are very few places face to face or online women can socialise exclusively. Let's not let the minority group ruin these places for the rest of us. Remember if they are unleashed and charge in your direction, walk away, they are emotionally retarded and so very jealous of you. For those that do bully, we are all adults, isn’t it time you got some therapy and grew up?