Sunday, November 25, 2007

I’m holding out for a heroine

I spent the weekend in my Venice, no nothing romantic or extravagant, we know I mean Birmingham. I and one of my oldest friends Marina booked a hotel room, lined our stomachs then headed out to our old haunts on Hurst Street. This is the Birmingham gay scene, a once secluded and almost seedy night spot without the Soho tourists and the Canal Street ‘Queer as Folk’ extras. It was a perfect weekend wandering from bar to bar reliving our University memories. We laughed till we choked, drank until we fell over and ate as if it was our last supper. Some things never change, oh except the introduction of gay chic into Hurst Street with additional ‘cool’ bars, several luxury flats and a Tesco Metro!

It is during the weekend I began thinking how much I enjoy the relationships I have with my friends. There is little pressure with good friends. I can be myself, not worry about the extra thigh width and I do not have to compromise my life or personality in order to keep them happy. It is unconditional love and if we irritate each other, excuses are made; we can go home and laugh about it later. But, there’s one key element friends cannot fulfil and that’s real intimacy; the kind you only get from a partner.

I am enjoying my path to self discovery and I need to be single at the moment in order to not make the same relationship mistakes time and time again. However, by being single it’s inevitable that at some point the lack of intimacy is going to dominate the mind. Oh who am I trying to kid? Sod self discovery, I can’t stop thinking about sex.

You could say being in Birmingham surrounded by beautiful women was the perfect opportunity to have a casual fling. I have a London postcode, I can easily give a fake number and never have to see them again; but pulling wasn’t an option. When I turned my back for two minutes Marina was accosted by the local psycho who was waiting for a date with her ex-girlfriends gynaecologist! By the time we were ready to move on to a club, Psycho was well and truly welded to our sides. With the no show of the fictional gynaecologist and by being nice; social lepers we were, lady magnets we were not.

That’s by the by, because I only want to sleep with someone I’m physically attracted to and have a connection with. A connection not instigated by consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Evidently this will lead to falling in love, moving in and buying a cat; something I am not ready to do. So what do I do in the meantime to curb all thoughts of women?

Even sleeping is adding to my frustration. Every night another woman appears in my dreams. Sounds great but I am one of those that have never got satisfaction through my dreams. I am just getting intimate with Cate Blanchett in a bath (see Elizabeth for any clarification) and the bloody Armada kicks off and I wake up; spending the entire day at work cursing the Spanish and feeling frustrated.

This does not bode well when working in a very straight environment. The gay population appears to consist of me and the non gender specific security guard. So, imagine my shock, excitement and amazement when I walked through the canteen and witnessed such sexual tension between two beautiful women I went weak at the knees. I had to do everything in my power to not run towards them shouting ‘I’m one of yooouuu!’ before sandwiching myself between the two in a desperate bid to have some female contact.

Being single is right for me at the moment, I need to understand myself before embarking on another relationship. I am holding out for someone spectacular, my ‘wink factor’, where only true love will do. So before I cross the boundaries into inappropriate work conduct and stalk the two hot women or start leaning against strangers in the queue at the supermarket cash tills; what do I do? And please no hand or battery operated suggestions.


Anonymous said...

Why don't you just get Billie Piper round? I hear she costs a lot but she looks like she's worth it!

Has Hurst Street really gone upmarket? I hope it still has its original charm.

Female therapy said...

It's Monday morning, I have not stalked anyone yet and am feeling focussed on work.... until now! If only there was a real world where I could get Billie round, I'd be happy with just having a coffee.. honest! When did Billie become so stunning? I do not ever remember her looking as attractive as she does in Belle De Jour.

OK I need to focus! I have a 10 o’clock meeting and am presenting to a bunch of very unattractive men. I need to compose myself and look like a professional… and NO not in a call girl way!!

Anonymous said...

I feel the same. SOmetimes I wish I could just go out and get a shag but I know from edxperience that it's just so unfulfilling without any emotional connection. I find that it's easier to get through those desperate frustrated times with a litre of vodka and a couple of spliffs.

Anonymous said...

FT: I am married (well, almost) and yet Russell Crowe still creeps into my dreams!! What does that say??
I'd like to believe that if I was ever single again, I would be more than content with my friends and family - I just cannot see myself wanting to be out dating, looking for that someone to disappoint me

Female therapy said...

Not sure the spliffs will help me but vodka is a good choice though! Unless of course too much is consumed and I'd woken up next Psycho Gynae... no amount of frustration would be worth that - by the way, that 100% did not happen.

I certainly wouldn't worry about Russell sneaking into your dreams, just enjoy it. If Cate stuck around I would :)

'J' said...

Well i have the perfect solution, casually see a northern gal, the distance will keep it level, not being too intense and in ya face, except for the sex when ya meet on the odd weekends etc....take it from there and see wot happens??? xxx

Female therapy said...

Hey 'J'
Good idea ;) I like your style x