Sunday, October 28, 2007

It's Nice to be Nice

No one is perfect, I am far from. I have in the past hurt people, lied, cheated and been flippant with others feelings. Shouted at the wrong colleagues and taken frustration out on the anonymous woman in the tax office. These are rare moments in my life that I regret and am not proud of. However, as a general rule, I find it is nice to be nice and would probably be described as a ‘Supporting’ person.

I’m sure we all know one or more supporters. Characteristically they are empathetic, good listeners, open and sharing with a positive attitude towards life. They are rarely intentionally mean because they punish themselves too much. Whilst the rest of the world appears to have little consideration for transportation etiquette, they are distraught that they did not let the elderly women sit down on the tube.

Supporters generally want people around them to be happy, often taking on the responsibility of making others lives easier. Mothers are the most natural supporters. Mine regularly passes on helpful advice. ‘Healthy mind, healthy body. Tidy your flat and do some exercise, you’ll feel much better’. No, YOU may but I’ll feel better with 20 Marlboro Lights and a double vodka.

It is not a selfless act to support others. Subconsciously I feel good; I have a sense of purpose and concentrating on others is a great avoidance tactic from dealing with negative feelings and possibly plummeting into life’s lows. But, how depressing when the way I treat others is sometimes not reciprocated.

My tall, self-centred friend, Gina’s name flashes away on my phone. She has remembered to return my calls, surely offering condolences on recent bereavements. With a warm feeling of being loved I eagerly answer the phone, only to hear muffled voices. She accidentally dialled my number whilst sitting on her blackberry.

I’m bored of this now! Friends, work colleagues, neighbours be warned; no more Miss Nice. I’m rebelling, temporarily taking a support-free sabbatical and being kind only to myself. If it’s not about me I do not want to know, and yes I did shout ‘You arse’ at Gina’s arse before slamming the phone down.

I will no longer retaliate with understanding and kindness if I am dismissed or treated badly. Honesty is my new policy. To the girl I recently slept with, no you were not honest with me, yes you did hurt me and to find out you’re back with your ex by a news-feed on Facebook, is just cruel. Oh and by the way lazy lovers become really tedious!

To Dr Donald A Quentin my incredibly rude neighbour, living in a 2-bedroomed flat with what seems like 8 other family members, various electric road vehicles and runs a stationary business in the communal entrance. Next time I’m polite and say good morning, do something more than grunt or else you may find the battery to your electric car unplugged and uncharged on a daily basis.

Oh, and to the mutual friend who had an affair with my ex you really are a c##t and no not as a term of endearment.

Consider who are your supporters? Who calls you in your hour of need? If you have not heard from them in a while they may be in need of a friend and too independent to ask for help. So Gina, Dr Donald, Lazy Lover and a Mutual Friend, before your supporters rebel, get out of your bubble and why don’t you pick up the phone ask ‘how are you?’ It won’t take long and it’s nice to be nice.


lilly said...


How are you?

li x

Female therapy said...

Hi Lilly,
Thanks, I'm almost doing great. Am recovering from a heavy weekend and no not emotionally heavy but excess heavy! I'll write about it tonight when I reform my brain cells. I hope you noticed Dr Donald. How are you and how's you day going?

Anonymous said...

For me, it’s a completely selfless act to make everyone around me have an easier life. I take their verbal criticism and attacks and don’t retaliate even when I am 101% right. I can’t bear to make them feel hurt for knowing the truth about their faults, that they are wrong and I am right. This is where the resilience bit comes from – they are closely related. I may be perceived as weak, always giving in but I see it as my strength. Why do I need to shout and argue back to prove my point to someone who so obviously can’t see it in black and white – futile exercise. I am right, I don’t need to prove it to anyone but myself and it avoids the guilt of being in an argument and saying things you may well regret. Guess my point is…don’t stop being nice just because everyone around you is not. You can stand on your high horse and be the better bigger person.

Anonymous said...

I have those people in my life and yes, they really pee me off and I put up with them. Why? I have absolutely no idea! But It's nice to know I'm not the only one. Thanks.

Female therapy said...


Both very interesting points and why do we put up with it? There is no need to hurt someone by being honest but you will probably ultimately get hurt being walked over. I think we should find a middle ground?
Once we understand who the people are that take advantage, have little sense of humour and generally life only evolves around them, then we can choose to back off. It does not mean they are no longer friends but we can protect ourself and let them wash over.
If you always expect them to disappoint you then it won't hurt when they do. Believe me it's their loss if you do back off and that space created allows room for friends who do support x

Tess said...

Funny, I was having this conversation with my friend last night. I like to think that I don't suffer fools but unfortunately I do. Why do we let people take the piss? We came to the conclusion that it was because neither of us like confrontation and basically we are nice people.

You're right - it IS nice to be nice and everybody else can go rot in hell! Ooops, now that wasn't a very nice thing to say was it? Better go and flog myself with a twig to purge myself of my negative feelings!

You're brill - keep it coming.

Female therapy said...

hi Tess,

Arrh confrontation my favourite past-time.... The most confrontational I normally get is calmly telling the Orange phone lady I am angry with being over charged... Frightening I know.

I was proud of myself as I fought back earlier on the Lesbian website from more slatings. I am now taking a course in Noticeboard etiquette.. If anyone has a rule book please let me know, as it seems I get in trouble for overloading the site with 2 threads... not 25,000 posts but 2 threads about this 'navel gazing' blog. Who uses navel gazing? I can take a guess, and it probably comes under bi-phobia in the Dictionary for Bully’s .

Tess, I'll join you later with my twig :)


gingerbeer said...

Stop spamming our noticeboard or we'll spam ya blog until it folds lol

Female therapy said...

This is what happens when I confront..

I deleted the other 8 or so messages that just repeated 'here here' to the above statement and 'it's pathetic', because those comments are unintelligent & meaningless. I've asked the thread to be deleted from the site I was on (which is a very good site). Not because of the criticism, and yes I can agree with some of the articulate comments made on the noticeboard, but when individuals just want to be spiteful I want no part of it. Oh well, I've learnt some internet etiquette and I'm going to stay being nice!

Anonymous said...

wow, am loving this so far. Who is that ginger beer wierdo? that bit about being a supporter is very intesresting. May be one of those myself! Why not put more energy into making our lives what we want!!!!

From@ P. Ube

Anonymous said...

Carry on being whatever you want just stop spamming us with youtr crap

Sandra said...

Gosh, I wish I could be as articulate and funny and brave and as grammatically correct as those ginger beer lesbians.

I left that site a while back coz I didn't like the 'atmosphere' there. There's a few hardcore (read:sad)members there that basically have nothing better to do than drag everyone else down. A real shame.

Incredible, that people actually have enough time and motivation to bash somebody in a chatroom. I'm guessing that they don't get asked out much.

Anyway, I don't want to sink to their level... I would just like to say that I am enjoying your stories and they are a welcome relief at work (when the boss isn't looking)

Sandra x