It's September and I'm wondering what has made me decide to write publically my thoughts on female relationships, gay women, therapy and matters of a less serious nature? The answer is I have no idea but why the hell not. Starting with a bit of background about me; I am in my early thirties and several months ago came out of an unsuccessful relationship and have since been on a journey of some description, which I feel like sharing. To summarise the last few years, I was in a relationship that made me unhappy, with a women who I had little in common with, who appeared jealous of my life, hated my past and blamed me for everything including the lack of world peace. On the other hand she was incredibly loving, intelligent and knew exactly how to make me laugh.
My life changed when a lovely friend paid for me to see an executive coach, we did not even talk about my partner, however the fog was lifted and I knew I had to get out of my relationship. Why? Because it was too hard, we were not compatible and we could not make it work. It was May when we finally split, it was unpleasant, hurtful and we can safely say we will not be friends! But I am not here to write about my relationship I am here to explain what happened next.
Recently a man told me a story as he believed it would help me understand where I was at in my life. This is his story....
' A man walked down a street and fell in a hole, he tumbled down and down, spiralling out of control and kept falling. About 2 years later this man crawled out of the hole, let out a sigh of relief and promised he wouldn't fall down it again. A while later the man walked down the street and falls into the hole, he once again spirals out of control but this time about 6 months later he crawls out. Thank god he thinks, he didn't fall so far this time.
A few months later, walking down the street he falls into the hole, this time he knows his way out and a few weeks later out he gets. He brushes himself down relieved and pleased he got out so quickly. Sometime later the man walks down the street, falls into the hole and jumps straight out. After a few months the man walked down a different street! '
He was right, I am now walking down another street. There were things I needed to do to get myself started. I had to look at my life, get over my relationship and try to figure out how on earth I keep falling down the same hole and making the same mistakes time and time again when it comes to women. The easiest way to start figuring this out was to do 5 simple things.
1. To get over the relationship I firstly slept with someone else.... which was a fantastic distraction but probably not the most healthy thing to do
2. To understand myself I went into therapy and it's fantastic. I go weekly to a centre in London and I talk for an hour and my therapist sorts me out.
3. I learnt to trust and rely on my friends & family and I mean my proper friends who know me and understand me, i've got rid of the crap and by doing that I suddenly find new people in my life and feel much more open to new friendships.
4. I learnt to like myself. I realise sometimes my thoughts and emotions are unexplainable and irrational and cause me pain so I am learning now how I deal with them
5. This is the really important step, it lasts a while and allows you to fully deal with your emotions, it supports you in life decisions and focusses your attention on what is important and valuable to you.... this is to get drunk and smoke alot!