Monday, March 31, 2008

Thinking out loud

I have it all planned. Over the past two weeks occupational decisions have been made, I have researched my options, found the ideal career to pursue and printed off the appropriate application forms. I was almost surprised I had not figured it out before. I have found a job with my name written all over it and no it’s not a wine taster or strip club owner (but actually they could be a good back up plan). My new found career is creative, energetic, people orientated and has nothing to do with data migration or system upgrades. There is just one minor obstacle, in order to actually get the job I am destined to do, I need to go back to school!

Work quickly became bearable and when summoned up north again, I was not overly enthusiastic but decided the time on the train would in itself give me an opportunity to complete the University application form. To really make the trip extra bearable I decided it is time to get off the fence, stop talking about dating and finally ask out a very attractive girl I recently met. She said yes and the date was set. So, now I have a new career path, a date and an insane grin plastered across my face. People ask ‘why so happy?’ followed swiftly by ‘for the love of god please stop singing’ and what do I do? I momentarily stop singing badly and tell everyone and anyone who will listen about my exciting news!

Sitting on the train and after several cups of coffee, I can not procrastinate any longer and the course form is waiting for me to carefully articulate how my personal skills, previous experience and academic interests will support my application. Reading the supporting information, I come across section 7. Payment of fees... arh, OK, before I do anything I need to work out how I can afford to quit my job, closet the Next suits, dye my hair purple and get stoned on a daily basis. After thirty minutes, some figures scribbled on the back of my council tax final demand it’s apparent that if I work everyday from now until September, cut out all luxuries (i.e. food) and double my housemates rent, I still can not afford six months fees and living, let alone two years studying.

Contemplating the fact part-time jobs, loans and holiday work will just about see me through, my phone flashes showing an unknown number. It’s the course convener who I emailed during my research. I make my apologies about the potential lack of reception and begin asking questions. He quickly interrupts and asks about my experience regarding a pre-requisite for the course. To not bore and to summarise the conversation, he explains they will not even look at my application until next year. I calmly argue my case but to no avail. Whilst talking my phone again buzzes but this time alerting me I have a text message. Feeling teary I finish the conversation, read the text and in less than one hundred and fifty characters I am informed, that due to genuine circumstances, my Friday night date is cancelled. Oh bollocks!

My Dad has always been a big sports fan and growing up we were practically banned from asking the question ‘who’s winning?’. Dad would always respond ‘Ssh you’ll jinx it’ as his favourite team let in the winning goal! I often repeat those few words but for some reason I never listen to my own advice. I find if I have a thought or idea, however trivial, then you can guarantee within seconds I will tell the world. Did I jinx all my plans by not keeping quiet? Or are obstacles just an inconvenience masking a positive waiting around the corner?

After a weekend feeling slightly deflated I have now paid my council tax, am revisiting the future career drawing board and have rearranged my date. I of course can not mention any of these plan’s as do not want to jinx anything. But I can say, Stringfellow’s will still employ me so looks like my back up plan will come to fruition!


Anonymous said...

Superstition or proven fact?
In my case proven fact! Do not utter a word to anybody about anything until it happens. Don’t announce you’re pregnant until it shows. Don’t find out sex of baby, don’t buy baby clothes until it’s born. Don’t tell anyone about job interviews, dates, in fact, don’t tell anyone anything at all!!! My theory is…nothing to do with superstition or fact. It’s more about having to deal with let downs in a public forum. The more people that know, the more people will ask you “what happened” and all this does is remind your of your own disappointment. So best share good news when it’s actually happened.
Example: My boyfriend went on and on about how he was going on holiday to Cuba with his mate, leaving me behind at home and about to have a great time. I secretly was gutted, how mean of him to do that. I kept wishing something would happen and it got cancelled…and lo and behold – the trip was cancelled. He was gutted and I was thrilled. Did I jinx it???

Female therapy said...

I think on this occasion, I think he definitely jinxed it not you? I have spoken to a few people about superstition and when saying I will not jinx by talking anymore about plans, thoughts and random ideas… one by one, friends have burst out laughing followed by ‘yeah right’! In reality it’s me, that’s what I do. I get excited and want to share that with people. I have spent the past few days retracing my steps saying ‘um, it’s not quite worked out as I expected’ but I’m not too disappointed and at least we can now have a laugh about it.

Superstitions and bad luck? Do you think some may just be warning’s for general survival? For example walking under ladders, why would anyone? It’s dangerous for you and the poor sod that falls off the ladder as you accidentally push it over. Don’t put new shoes on the table? Don’t put any shoes on the table it’s unhygienic! If you open an umbrella indoors, it’s a trip hazard, damp and you’re likely to take your work colleagues eye out.

It’s bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same match. It’s not the best luck to light a cigarette full stop regardless of the fear of being shot in a trench! And don’t get me started on breaking mirrors! They’re sharp, likely to cut and you won’t know you have left the house with toothpaste on your chin! I have however, learnt to be a little restrained until my luck changes, and in the meantime I will search for four leaf clovers, rabbit’s tails and start spitting whenever I see magpies! x

Anonymous said...

How about an Indian one: If you are female and have a not wash your hair on a Wednesday! My mother aged 61 has never ever washed her hair on a Wednesday.

Tricky from myspace said...

After reading this blog I want to say something about being still... Stopping and making space for something new to enter your life. I think inaction is a really difficult thing to do. I think it is in our nature or should I say culture to problem solve. We feel unhappy so we figure out ways to make ourselves happy again... But I am not convinced that this is the best solution all of the time. I am at present more into the idea of things/ideas/solutions coming to me instead of me snatching them by the throat! Know what I mean?

I love that you make me think.

Female therapy said...

Hey Tricky,
I love your comments, they too make me think. My initial response was you are 100% right, why rush out there, take a moment and let them come to me. The problem I have is I started a temporary (4 week) contract over 4 years ago and as the months turned into years, promotions, money, and mortgages seemed to take over. I am now worried that another 4 years will quickly pass and I essentially will be doing a job that couldn’t be further from what I want to do.

Now I can not wait any longer for life to come to me, I need to grab a few things by the throat (not potential dates though, that would be just weird!). I have listened though and will relax, take a look around, see what’s out there and not rush into making any major decisions ;-) x

Tricky from myspace said...

"In times of chaos and confusion sit still" xxx

Female therapy said...

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M.Scott Peck) ;-) Touche!!!! Can we have a 'quote off' please?? x

Tricky from myspace said...

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses" DP x

Female therapy said...

'Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity, and in cold weather becomes frozen, even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind'. Leonardo Da Vinci...

OK yours is much better than mine, I think you win on humour alone :-)